TATU MADIBA, NGIZWE ZWILAM

Bare foot he walked to journey of life..................
Rholihlahla is the name given to him
Ndive zwilam xa ndibalisa ibali lenkululeko
Dalibhunga Madiba the key to our Democracy
Nkululeko is the name, Gods given name

Ngizwe zwilam mangibonga ubaba wam
Human Rights for all was his mission to complete
Thrown in jail broke his body but not his spirit
Fighting a battle that no ordinary man can fight
Surprised im not for it was said in heaven that you will be a solution for inhuman behavior
Years you spent in pain God doubled them with joyful ones
Using your Madiba Magic not knowing, a Cup we won and we lifted it up
With your Fragranced words you kept souls collected

Years passed by and reached the day you where at your deathbed
Worried was i not as i knew you how much rest you needed
Flags where raised in your honor  while you where fighting for your life, so they say so
One day i was in bed hugged by blankets and smiling with my phone then news about you came
Ping!!!!..... my bbm sound, telling me that i lost a father, utata umkile
Ngizwe zwilam mangithi hayi not yet....
Trying to understand how that happened
A reminder came, you did your part

It is to this day that i kneeled down on my knees to place flowers in your honor
Knowing ubuntu onabo i write this for you
Tryed to get up but emotions draw me down
I could not believe that i indeed lost UYISE.
Here me my voice, ngizwe zwilam!!

Smelly shoes, do you know how they FEEL?

To the sight of seeing a beggar, what came to mind was the stench of his clothes and a cologne he is covered with, weird it might sound, I craved to be in his shoes, his smelly shoes. As we look down on people  treating them as no body, beggars. We turn to think we are in better shoes than they are.Thinking again your shoes might be as bad as there's and on top of that uncomfortable.
Every day we meet people on every corner, never paying attention to the number of how many you might be sighting or passing. But can you tell who's shoes are better smelling? you really cant say can you? hence is it important how they smell or rather how they feel when your inside them? I can say comfort is the sweetest thing ever, like a further soft bed you lay on in your deepest sleep nothing can ever concur that.
 
The troubles you find yourself in and even situations you go through in this life are your smelly shoes. Watching a little girl in the park all smiles and going on and off the jungle Jim, you can tell how her shoes smells and you can immediately judge from that where you stand with yours. Your shoes might be smelling more than mine while you don't know it.

We are all Disable one way or the other

Often when we talk about Disability we usually relate to people who can't walk,talk,hear etc. However the fact is we are all disable meaning the is an ability that has been taken away from us or never planted now we are not able to do things that needs to be done.
We have to deal with our past, bad things that have been done to us, things that where suppose to be done and things that we never dealt with or spoken about can destroy us *It has been proven to me* Our background destroys us when we are older for its like a strong chain that binds us until we go to the grave. The is a saying that says 'OUR BACKGROUND MAKES OR BREAKS US' its so true hence it gets you disabled one way or the other, meaning there are things that you will be unable to do because of it. Many people cannot give love for they never received it from their parents, Others cant make their bed for they where never taught how to make it, others their parents never taught them to be open, Others like me don't know how to save money etc....



*think about what you cant do you will know what i mean*

Will continue with a lesson learnt from this................

Over and Over again

Have you ever done something wrong continuesly people even call you about that thing, Thats OVER AND OVER AGAIN. Everytime you hear or see the word you feel uncomfortable or as if the world if falling besides you, well its something i one's went through and i must say its not a good place to be in life. I always wondered how we commit the same mistakes over and over again. Get tripped by that same stone and sometimes its so tiny like an ant hence it gets you down to the ground. For the past few years i have been in trouble with my self, commiting the same mistakes over and over again. No matter how hard i tryed running away from that mistake it always caught up with me and i would do it.

Now i realised that the moment we learn from our mistakes and then stay away from what makes us commit them we will be fine.

Eg: if you always fall for woman and commit a sin stay away from then.

If you always lie then stay away from situations that will make you to lie 

The wrong solution seemed right for that moment- continues.......

As i was saying...... killing my self was a way out at that moment. As i moved from Gauteng to Cape town that was on the 1st May 2007, if i knew how my life would be i would not have came here. However no one knows the future only the one who is above,God. Although we and my brother came here to bury my mother( Beauty Khulukazi Qamata). she was buried on the 5th May 2007, khayelitsha cemetery. Scary part is all the dates are still in my mind hence its what they say bad memories are the ones we remember the most. I remember when the conflict of the family started it all started with my Brother for he had anger inside of him. That where was my family when we needed them?, most of all where were they when she needed them?. I knew the was a trouble coming little did i know how great it was. This conflict caused us to end up in the street, being street kids, having nothing to eat that was when i released how bad it was. I remember crying bitterly something that i never did even when my mother died i never cryed that much but that day i did.Although the where no solutions but didn't want to be weakened by the situation and had to be strong for Joseph my bitter brother, i would smile and tell him that its going to be okay where by i knew its not but believed it would be, he would say i know it will be.. but the truth he didn't believe me it was written in his eyes.

One day morning we went to the social workers to seek for help as someone recommended, that is where we found a home that they placed use in. We found a parent who supposely had to take care of us. Staying in that house made me to know God for the whole family went to church and where commited so i joined them. i remember my first day i came out of the church it was like something was lifted off my shoulder, i guess i regained what i lost, my soul. I was reminded that someone loves me and cares. Although it was hard for me to deal with the trauma  but i did at last. I even tryed killing my self again while in the church 3 times again but God didnt allow that to happen for he had plans with my life. Im living that plan now... its not yet fullfilled but i am going there for its my plan from God not someone elses. My Foster mom doent know what really went on for me to be here. If you get to know her you would know why.

The wrong solution seemed right for that moment

I was as young as 14 years old  when my mother died. However that was not the day i died inside. The death of my inner soul began when she was there but not there, she would wake up at 4am in the morning and come back at 7pm in the evening everyday so i did not have time with her, even to know her. Then sickness struck her- Cancer, TB and Pneumonia got the best out of her, i lost out on her. Now back to me;.. I was physically and emotionally abused by my oldest brother to the point that i even landed in hospital. The thought of killing my self then began... i drank a rat poison but because it was bitter so i spitted it out, drank a lots of pills but nothing happened only could not eat but no one cared that i eat or not. tried to kill my self again because i was hurting inside , had no one to talk to as well...

Will continue............................