We are all Disable one way or the other

Often when we talk about Disability we usually relate to people who can't walk,talk,hear etc. However the fact is we are all disable meaning the is an ability that has been taken away from us or never planted now we are not able to do things that needs to be done.
We have to deal with our past, bad things that have been done to us, things that where suppose to be done and things that we never dealt with or spoken about can destroy us *It has been proven to me* Our background destroys us when we are older for its like a strong chain that binds us until we go to the grave. The is a saying that says 'OUR BACKGROUND MAKES OR BREAKS US' its so true hence it gets you disabled one way or the other, meaning there are things that you will be unable to do because of it. Many people cannot give love for they never received it from their parents, Others cant make their bed for they where never taught how to make it, others their parents never taught them to be open, Others like me don't know how to save money etc....



*think about what you cant do you will know what i mean*

Will continue with a lesson learnt from this................

Over and Over again

Have you ever done something wrong continuesly people even call you about that thing, Thats OVER AND OVER AGAIN. Everytime you hear or see the word you feel uncomfortable or as if the world if falling besides you, well its something i one's went through and i must say its not a good place to be in life. I always wondered how we commit the same mistakes over and over again. Get tripped by that same stone and sometimes its so tiny like an ant hence it gets you down to the ground. For the past few years i have been in trouble with my self, commiting the same mistakes over and over again. No matter how hard i tryed running away from that mistake it always caught up with me and i would do it.

Now i realised that the moment we learn from our mistakes and then stay away from what makes us commit them we will be fine.

Eg: if you always fall for woman and commit a sin stay away from then.

If you always lie then stay away from situations that will make you to lie 

The wrong solution seemed right for that moment- continues.......

As i was saying...... killing my self was a way out at that moment. As i moved from Gauteng to Cape town that was on the 1st May 2007, if i knew how my life would be i would not have came here. However no one knows the future only the one who is above,God. Although we and my brother came here to bury my mother( Beauty Khulukazi Qamata). she was buried on the 5th May 2007, khayelitsha cemetery. Scary part is all the dates are still in my mind hence its what they say bad memories are the ones we remember the most. I remember when the conflict of the family started it all started with my Brother for he had anger inside of him. That where was my family when we needed them?, most of all where were they when she needed them?. I knew the was a trouble coming little did i know how great it was. This conflict caused us to end up in the street, being street kids, having nothing to eat that was when i released how bad it was. I remember crying bitterly something that i never did even when my mother died i never cryed that much but that day i did.Although the where no solutions but didn't want to be weakened by the situation and had to be strong for Joseph my bitter brother, i would smile and tell him that its going to be okay where by i knew its not but believed it would be, he would say i know it will be.. but the truth he didn't believe me it was written in his eyes.

One day morning we went to the social workers to seek for help as someone recommended, that is where we found a home that they placed use in. We found a parent who supposely had to take care of us. Staying in that house made me to know God for the whole family went to church and where commited so i joined them. i remember my first day i came out of the church it was like something was lifted off my shoulder, i guess i regained what i lost, my soul. I was reminded that someone loves me and cares. Although it was hard for me to deal with the trauma  but i did at last. I even tryed killing my self again while in the church 3 times again but God didnt allow that to happen for he had plans with my life. Im living that plan now... its not yet fullfilled but i am going there for its my plan from God not someone elses. My Foster mom doent know what really went on for me to be here. If you get to know her you would know why.